The speed boosts were the REAL slowdown.

↓ Transcript
"How close is your program to finishing that report?" a co-worker asks Garrett as if it might change the speed of things.
Garrett answers, "It's... 82% done."
"Good! Hey, aren't you glad I suggested adding a progress bar? Pretty handy!" brags the co-worker.
Garrett just continues to stare hazily at his computer screen as he responds, "Would've been done already if I hadn't taken the time to program that stupid bar."